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No Time to Lose
}} Roy learns about Postmortem Time Disassociation Disorder. Cast * Roy Greenhilt (as spirit) ◀ ▶ * Eugene Greenhilt ◀ ▶ * Sara Greenhilt ◀ ▶ * Horace Greenhilt ◀ ▶ * Roy's Archon ◀ ▶ Transcript Roy: OK, somebody better friggin' explain this RIGHT NOW! Roy: And if this is some solar's idea of screwing with the new guy, I am NOT laughing! Sara: Roy, honey, calm down. Roy: Three and a half months?!? How is that possible? Does time like, flow at a different rate here?? Sara: No, nothing so "sci-fi" as all that. Horace: This is still a fantasy story. Roy's Archon: If I may... it's really very simple. Roy: Yeah? Then shine a little light on it for me, glowbug, because I'm not seeing it. Roy's Archon: It's called Postmortem Time Disassociation Disorder. It happens to a lot of souls when they first cross over into the afterlife. Horace: You know the old saying, "Time flies when you're having fun"? This is the dire half-dragon version of that. Roy's Archon: As a mortal, your perception of time is fluid, allowing you to lose yourself in a pleasurable activity—for a time. Roy's Archon: While you were alive, though, there were always limits as to how long it could go on. Roy: Limits? What are you talking about? Sara: He means no matter how engrossed you were in your studies, eventually you'd get hungry, or sleepy— Horace: Or have to take a dump, at the least. Sara: Horace! Roy's Archon: And even if you were taking care of your immediate needs, over time, your beard would come in, your fingernails would grow... Roy's Archon: Around you, the sun would set and rise, the seasons would change, dust would accumulate. Roy's Archon: Here, none of that happens. The sun sits stationary in the sky, the temperature never changes, and no matter how long you're here, you never need to eat or sleep. Sara: You don't even have the beating of your heart to count out the moments for you anymore. Roy's Archon: Now, at the exact same time that you lose all reference points to the passage of time, you're thrown into this amazing place where everything is strange, yet somehow perfect. Roy's Archon: Where everyone you meet is the same alignment as you, and you're back together with long-lost friends and family. Roy's Archon: The combined effect leaves your mortal mind so enthralled that you become completely unaware of time racing past you. Roy's Archon: Three and a half months feels like a day. Roy: Yeah, I don't buy it. Roy: I'm sorry, but what was I doing all of that time? Roy: Besides decomposing, apparently. Sara: It's true, honey. It happened to me too. Sara: It turns out I spent eight weeks making love to this knight from— Roy: NOT HELPING, MOM! Horace: C'mon, boy, use your head. Ask yourself this, then: How tall was that first portion of the mountain you climbed to get here? Roy: ...Tall. Horace: Far taller than any mountain back on the mortal plane, right? Roy: I guess. Horace: And yet scaling the world's tallest mountain would take the most experienced climber days, even weeks. Did you really think you had gone higher in a few hours? Roy: ... Roy: I thought I'd found a shortcut. Horace: You didn't. It took you eight weeks to get to your mother's house, and you spend another three playing with your little brother. Roy: Oh come on, it wasn't THAT elaborate of a block castle! Horace: But how many times did you knock it down and start over again from scratch? Roy: No idea. I wasn't counting. Horace: Would it surprise you to learn you did so 34 times? Roy: ...Crap. Roy: Why didn't you say something? You're supposed to be my guide! Roy's Archon: You didn't ask. And we're not in the habit of spoiling the eternal reward of our petitioners. Roy's Archon: It's bad PR, and it sends our customer service ratings into a tailspin. Roy: OK... OK, fine. I understand how it could be that long. But WHY has it been that long? Roy: Durkon was supposed to rendezvous with Haley the next day and raise me from the dead. So why am I still here 14 weeks later? Roy: What's happening down there? What about Xykon? Why haven't I been brought back?? Horace: Good questions, son. Sara: We don't know the answers. Roy: Why the hell not?? Horace: We don't know what is happening in the mortal realm any more than you do, Roy. Horace: Trust me, it's better that way. Horace: After a while, you'll realize that it's better to let go of what may or may not be going on down there. You'll just make yourself upset for no good reason. Horace: You're dead, I'm dead, we're all dead up here. There's nothing we can do to influence the mortal realm anymore. Roy: Yeah, well, unfortunately it's not that simple. There's a lich down there that needs to be stopped, whether I'm dead or not. Roy: There has to be something I can do. There must be somewhere we could go and look down on— beat Roy approaches Eugene in the demiplane outside the Celestial Realms. Eugene: Well, well, well, the prodigal son returns. Eugene: Looks like that fatted calf isn't off the hook just yet. D&D Context * A Solar is a type of powerful Angel in D&D, among the most powerful non-divine Outsiders (natives of the Outer Planes). Trivia * The initials for Postmortem Time Disassociation Disorder (PTDD) are very similar to the psychological disorder PTSD, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, common among combat veterans. * Eugene's comment refers to the parable of the Prodigal Son from the Christian Bible, Luke 15:11-32. External Links * 499}} View the comic * 61528}} View the discussion thread Category:Roy's Afterlife